These goals I mentioned...getting to my goal weight, running a 5K, fitting in my summer shorts and feeling good about the way I look...unfortunately, that next month was full of family dinners and other reasons to get off plan, and I spent much of it finding excuses to not care about my body. Fortunately, I was able to nurse the boys not only until their 1st birthday, but to 4 days after their 2nd birthday! I should have quit at about 18 months for both my sanity and their freedom, but I was very stubborn and would not let it go until I reached that mark. Of course, I scaled back gradually toward the end, which caused my lack of self-care to escalate my weight even more, but I did make it. And then the weight packed on.
Going into the holiday season, sitting on my haunches for most of the day while my toddlers ran around me, eating fast food in the car more times than I care to admit, and nearly eliminating healthy produce from my diet and instead opting for carb-loaded easy fixes helped me gain back every ounce of weight I was so proud to lose in my last posts. Over the course of that year and a half from my last posts until last Christmas, I gradually put on all the weight, lost tons of muscle, and basically lost all hope of ever losing it again.
And then, right after New Year's, we found out we were pregnant again! My body was not in a condition I would consider prime for making babies, we weren't trying; in fact, it happened over the course of a week and a half last November when I was on antibiotics for emergency oral surgery. Happy birthday to me :-) So now, I am in my 8th month of pregnancy in the miserable Missouri heat and humidity, 30 pounds heavier than I ever hoped to be if I got pregnant again, and looking at another 310 or so top weight. This is what I weighed with the twins the morning I delivered, and I'm not quite there yet (I'm at just over 300), but I still have 7 weeks with this little guy to maintain.
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| Week: 32 Weight: 299.5 Total weight gain since week 7: 21.5 lbs |
I wish I weren't so big. I still don't even look pregnant in some of my outfits and I'm sure there are plenty of people who scoff when I park in the "Expecting and New Mothers" parking space at the grocery store, but I really am having a baby in less than 2 months.
The good news is, once I have this kiddo, I can really get serious about losing weight. I tried Weight Watchers for a very short time when I found out I was pregnant, per the OB's nurse's recommendation. It didn't work. I didn't gain any weight, but I had to eat obscene amounts of junk to get all the points in. I don't understand how that program helps anyone, if all the good stuff is zero points, and you have to eat so much of the carbs and things to use up your points that you don't have any room left to eat the fruits and veggies. I realize that my experience may have been a little skewed, since they don't technically have a "pregnant" diet and I was advised by the nurse to just do the breastfeeding plan. I don't think I'll ever try that particular program again.
The problem with these "plans" is that once you start them, everything goes great. If you stop at any point before you reach the maintenance phase, though, you're doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past. So in order to be successful, you have to have total commitment, which I've been lacking every time.
That is why once this baby comes, I plan to eat well to maintain my milk supply, nurse him as long as possible (up to 2 years, but at least 1 year), and get out and exercise more. I'm not spending another dime on a program that doesn't work for me, that can't help me stay motivated to the end, and is so regimented that I give up the first time I fail. I will lose the weight this time, but I'm giving myself plenty of time to do it. I already know what to eat to lose weight, it is a matter of putting it consistently into practice and making it a lifestyle, not just a thing to do for a time to reach a goal.
I have a goal of being in the 100's by the time my child turns 2, which is doable at about 50 pounds a year while breastfeeding, chasing 2 toddlers, and finally getting to be comfortable outside after he comes this fall. We are moving to a house in 2 weeks, so I can be out in the yard gardening and playing with my boys. I will have room to do Zumba, a workout I really love that is something I know helps me tone my muscles. I will have a beautiful hilly, treed neighborhood to stroll through with my boys in tow. And I can make being active a part of my life, instead of the sedentary one I lead right now.
I am trying to be realistic, yet still have something to work toward. Over a hundred pounds lost in 2 years is nothing to scoff at, and it will be hard at times. But I hope that by pacing myself I will be able to do this. I hope you will join me in changing something about yourself you have struggled with for years.
P.S. Here's a little bonus pic of the boys now, at nearly 2 3/4 years old. I want them to know me as the fun, active mommy who is able to play with them and run with them, not the crabby one who barks orders from her easy chair because she is too lazy or unable to get out of it.
