You
would think a fat person like me would love the holidays because of all
the food. There's always an excuse to be eating: family gatherings,
candy canes, baking Christmas cookies and candies, and holiday parties.
Actually, I rather hate that entire aspect of the holidays.
Since
I started being conscious of what I weigh, I have come to dread
holidays. Not just Thanksgiving and Christmas, but really, all holidays.
I have a large family (on all sides), so every holiday is an occasion
to get together for a delicious pot luck meal. Yes, the food is always
amazing, the desserts are delicious, and the nachos or candies or other
snack foods left out are tempting and wonderful, but the whole idea of
buffet-style, out-all-day freedom is sometimes too much for someone who
has a hard time with self-control.
My
husband and I have tried putting limits on what we eat. We've tried
saying just 1 plate and 1 dessert. But somehow, I have a really hard
time staying away from the dessert table and not picking up a cookie or
brownie, or a handful of M & M's every time I walk by.
I
am resigned to the fact that I will overeat at these gatherings, and I
will gain, or at the very least, not lose any weight during these times.
I know some people will think I'm a loser with no will power, or that
I'm too dumb to take my own healthy snack or meal, but I've tried these
things, and for me, they just take the joy out of the holiday.
Part
of knowing it's Christmas is getting to eat Grandma's peanut butter
fudge, or my cousin's authentic Italian pizza. Thanksgiving, it's the
stuffing and mashed potatoes.
I'm not willing to give those things up, when I only get to have them this one time of the year.
I
guess I could approach it like I do my finances: sacrifice now so I can
enjoy them later, but I'm not prepared to do that right now, so I can't
really do much about it today. I will try to only have one helping of
all of my favorite things, and add some of the healthier options (if
there are any).
I
also realized a day or two ago, as I was looking through our photos for
a Christmas project, that when the twins were born, I didn't lose the
baby weight until they were 6 months old, when I started Slim4Life
again. I am still heavier now than I ever wanted to be, and I know the
longer I stay at this weight, the longer it will take to get down. I
will still try to lose weight before Sam is 6 months old (he'll be 3
next week!), but I'm no longer worried I'm not making my goals. I was
hoping to be 278 by today, my birthday, but I'm still at 292.
Another
reason I dread Thanksgiving is my birthday always falls on or around
the holiday. When I was a kid, I knew I would see my family and get to
open gifts, but since I outgrew that, it's like no one even remembers. I
never got to have birthday parties with my friends around Thanksgiving
because they were always busy or out of town.
This
year happens to be one of those years when my birthday is on
Thanksgiving, and while I know I have so much to be grateful for, I have
a heavy heart. My Dad, whom I wrote about in this post, is in the
hospital with an infection. The cause of the infection is the tumor in
his stomach leeching all the fluid that comes in to his belly, and
before they can siphon it out is getting infected. They are fighting the
infection with antibiotics, but so far have been ineffective. The
infection has to go away before they can start chemo back up, which is
hopefully to kill or at least stop the tumor from growing.
It
is an awful cycle, and probably won't be resolved at a rate that is
helpful to him. That being said, this very well might be my last
Thanksgiving with Dad. His health is steadily declining (he's coughing
up blood and can't keep anything down, not even water), so I don't even
know if he'll get to make it to Christmas. I want to spend every moment I
can with him, to try and comfort him, but nothing I say or do can make
things better. So I just hold his hand and cry with him. I took the boys
over Tuesday, and he read to the older ones and held Samuel most of the
time we were there. When we left, he said good-bye like he didn't
expect to see us again.
I
hate to be such a downer on Thanksgiving, but this is what's going
through my head right now. I feel better putting it down in writing so I
don't have to think it over all the time. If you've read to here, thank
you for your time. We would appreciate your prayers, for healing and
comfort in this horrible time. God bless you and your family this
Thanksgiving.
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| Dad with Samuel, his 4th grandson |
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| Isaac, Tyson, Samuel, and Dad |
