A New Me

Part of the whole premise of this blog was to make myself accountable to lose weight and to become essentially "a new me." In my mind, I consider that to include everything physical about me, from weight, to vision, hair, skin, teeth, and general wellness.

I had an eye-opening appointment last week that shed some light on an area that I've been sorely neglecting. We regularly visit the dentist twice a year, as recommended, and every time I go, I always dread the feeling afterward of the soreness of my gums from the hygienist digging in with her tools and then flossing. I always tell myself that I will continue to floss after that appointment, since I've gone through the initial pain of starting, and it will eventually feel better, my teeth will stop bleeding, and I'll be one of those people who never have problems with their teeth. 

My world was shattered this past time. I got a poor report that I am on a slippery path to gum disease if I don't change something about my routine and quickly. I've never been good at flossing regularly. I've always put it on my list of things to add to my daily routine, but I've always avoided it, due to the bleeding, the soreness, and the fact that I have a permanent retainer and I have to use one of those floss threaders every time. It's inconvenient. It's painful. I will never end up as one of those people. Well, I might be one of those people. 

Luckily, she told me that if I floss every day until my next appointment (and beyond, of course), I might improve the shape of my gums, or at least maintain the current status. I have never gotten a bad report from the dentist. Maybe a cavity here or there, and I had braces for 2 years in school, but never a bad report. I've always been told I needed to floss and brush twice a day, but always got by with brushing once in the morning and skipping flossing altogether. Now, for some reason (possibly pregnancy), my gums are receding at an alarming rate and I have to change something. 

So far, I have flossed at least once a day since my appointment, and brushed twice a day nearly every day. And it's not terrible. I have to give myself a little more time to get ready in the morning (not so easy to do with a newborn and the pokey toddlers that need extra attention right now), but I've done it. It might get a little trickier next week when my hubby goes back to work and isn't there to help dress and feed the kiddos, but I plan to continue. This is something I've always known was good to do, yet didn't see the purpose of it for me, who has always had pretty healthy teeth. 

This is just another aspect of my physical transformation over the next couple of years to a healthier me. I'll keep you posted and let you know if I've had any improvement at my next appointment in March.

Post-partum

Ideally, I would post on Mondays continuously, so I can be consistent, but considering I just had a baby 12 days ago and major abdominal surgery, I'd say 2 days late on a post is a miracle.

Life with Samuel has been an adjustment for all of us. Thankfully, it hasn't been nearly as bad as I feared (2 am feedings, being awake and active with my toddlers, and keeping up with cooking and cleaning for 5 instead of 4 had me quite intimidated), but it still hasn't been a walk in the park either. I am regularly getting about 5-6 hours of sleep, which is only possible because my hubby is still home this week and has taken some of the graveyard shift for me. The twins are having a hard time coping with sharing Mom and Dad with yet another person, who happens to interrupt their sleep with wailing a few times a night, so they are acting out and generally cranky for much of the day. 

One of the few things that seems to be going right is that I'm eating much better than I did when I was pregnant. We have a freezer full of delicious meals we've been slowly digging into, as well as eating tons of salads for lunch. I've actually enjoyed eating salad. It's been so long since I did that regularly, and through most of my pregnancy I was so tired and, for lack of a better word, lazy, that I ate whatever junk I could get my hands on. With the help of my hubby, I've been able to get the twins fed and get myself a delicious and balanced lunch every day, and we've had steamed veggies with our pre-made frozen meals almost every evening. 

Nursing is also going okay. Sam was a pro right from the first try, so my body is already back in "dairy" mode. It's almost working too well, as the poor kid has choked more than once on the massive amounts of milk my body is churning out. I guess I don't have to worry about supply with this one! I assume it will acclimate soon, but after nursing 2 kiddos for 2 years, all it knows is make, make, make. At least I can build up my storage supply for rainy days.

I am not too concerned about it right now, because I want to make sure my newborn is getting enough  good nutritious milk, but I have also lost a fair amount of weight so far. I was a little disappointed to discover after delivering him that I had only lost about 10 pounds (what about all the fluid they took out of me?!), but I weighed myself again on Monday and I am now down 20 pounds from my last OB appointment. I don't know if my body will keep this up or if I will plateau like I did after the twins were born, but I'll take whatever I can get right now while it works!

That's about all my tired mind will generate at this point. There isn't a whole lot more to tell. Until next time...

It's time!

He's here! Our little boy is perfect in every way, beautiful, and healthy. We are so proud to be his parents. Presenting Samuel Brodrick Patterson, weighing 9 lb 15 oz, 22 inches tall, he joined us on Friday morning, after a stressful week of decisions and uncertainty.

I'll write more again once we get home and settled somewhat. For now, he is doing great, and after a couple of rough days recovering from a c-section, I am too!

Until next time!

Surprise!!

No, he's not here yet. That's the surprise! 

As of my OB appointment on Wednesday, my doc didn't think I'd have him before my next appointment, this Wednesday. He even said to me, "Does this guy know he's due soon?" Apparently, I'm doing a good job of keeping him comfy, so he doesn't want to leave. Truthfully, I think my due date is off and that he was just measuring big for the ultrasound. I'm not surprised. I was over 11 pounds when I was born, and I'm obviously still quite large. We just have big babies in our family.

That's all there is to tell right now. I feel pretty good still, it's been cooler here the last couple of weeks, and most of my maternity clothes still fit. I think I'm done gaining weight, even though it fluctuates a pound or two every week, I don't think I have to worry about topping out at 315 or anything. So we're just waiting. The freezers and pantry are completely stocked (seriously, I can't even open the ads this week--I don't have anywhere to store anything else!), the house is somewhat clean and most of my little projects are either not exciting enough to get motivated to do, or so trivial I don't care whether they get done now or a year from now. Laundry is caught up (I do it about every 4 days instead of weekly, mostly out of boredom...) and the kitchen looks great. 

I know I'll have Blessing within the next couple of weeks, whether he comes on his own or I end up getting induced. It's weird to think that our lives are going to change so much so quickly. We've been enjoying spending time with the twins. We've watched movies together, played together, wrestled (at least, my hubby has), tickled, read, and snuggled. I will miss these days once the baby comes. It has been nice to have so much time to give them our attention. I hope they will remember how much we love them when we can't cater to them 24/7 anymore.

Here's to a September baby. Only 50 more hours to go. I'll try to let you know when he comes, at least with a note to say he's here. What a journey!

Please forgive the grumpiness in the photos. I was having a rough time with my body. I may write about it in the next couple of days, but I'd rather just forget it.

Until next time, we appreciate your prayers for a healthy delivery. Take care and God bless!

Getting there...

The baby's still happy and safe inside, so I thought I'd give probably my last update before he comes. Watch me eat my words and not have him for another 2 weeks or more...

The OB said he wouldn't be surprised if Blessing had come this weekend, which would have suited him, since he was the on-call doc for the clinic. I told him the weather was going to be too nice to spend it in the hospital, and luckily, the baby agreed! Instead, we spent the weekend putting the finishing touches on our new home, tidying up and finding a space for all the little random things, and spending much of it outside and relaxing! 

I even took the boys for a walk on Friday, something we needed to do, but I was so scared to do anything physical for fear of initiating contractions. Now that the house is put together, I don't care when he comes, I just want it to be on his watch, not mine. We rode tricycles (by "we," I mean my children) outside, weeded the flower bed out front, and just sat out on the porch enjoying the 75 degree weather. 

Today, I even took the boys to the zoo! Instead of just riding all the rides (they have 5 options for getting around), we walked a fair way and I barely broke a sweat. It was great! We definitely needed that, just a little bit of our old "normal" life before the baby comes and disrupts things again. The boys were so excited to ride the train and see the giraffes, it made the wait worth it.

I don't know what else to do while we're waiting for the baby. My nesting instincts have all been fulfilled since we moved to a new house: new paint on the walls, everything is clean from ceiling to floor, my freezer is stocked almost to overflowing with tasty meals and snacks, and the baby clothes and items have all been washed and put away. I guess now we just do. If we want to go somewhere (within reason--I don't want to be too far from the hospital with the boys by myself), we can. If we want to sit outside and play all morning, we can. This is such a switch from the way we've been living for the last several weeks.

I started knitting a sweater for a family member of mine that asked this summer. I told her I would probably not have time to work on it until after the baby comes, but that I would try to have it done by Christmas, being optimistic at that point. I started it yesterday and am nearly a quarter of the way finished. 

This is just completely new to me, not having anything pressing on my plate, and I'm enjoying it, but my instinct is to find things to busy myself with. I need to learn to be content with idleness, I guess. Some people (like my husband) would call it "rest." I have never been good at that. There is always something that needs doing. I still have a list of items I would like to accomplish, projects to finish up, yarn to use up, things to do with the boys, but none of those are exceptionally compelling to me at this point, so I am trying to just enjoy these last few days with my family of 4, and not fill them completely with tasks.

With that being said, I should wrap this up and get some sleep. Here are today's photos. I don't think there's much change, although to me it feels like he is sitting lower. There's more space between my chest and the top of my bump, from my point of view. Anyway, here they are:

38 and feeling pretty great!

I'm actually a little surprised to have made it this far into pregnancy, after delivering at 36 weeks with the twins (which is great for twins, btw...), and the way my OB talks when I go see him. I have been saying since the beginning that I would love to deliver in September (which would make 40+ to 41 weeks), but ever since passing that 36 week mark, I've been skeptical. Maybe he will just hang out for a while longer...

Meanwhile, I am feeling a little better. The baby's head dropped a bit since my last post, which has given me tremendous relief from the shortness of breath (I still have some, since I'm over 300 pounds) and the acid reflux. I was taking Tums after every single thing I put in my mouth, but that's gotten noticeably better lately, and now I'm down to my normal 1-2 times a day. I think he's using my bladder as a squeeze toy, though, because the urge to go has greatly increased. I wake up about 3 times in the night to go now, instead of just 1, but I've been able to get back to sleep fairly easily, so it doesn't bother me too much. I'm just getting ready for late night feedings too, I suppose.

Speaking of feedings, my colostrum has started production! What a weird thing to talk about. I guess when you're pregnant all shame leaves your senses. I nursed the twins for 2 years almost to the day (we were all ready to call it quits by then), and it took months for me to stop actively making milk. Oh, it wasn't leaking or anything, and it probably wasn't enough to feed a toddler with, but I would check periodically and see, and it was definitely late spring when I finally stopped getting tiny white droplets. Well, I've already started producing again, and the tiny clear-ish droplets are back. 

One of the things I'm most looking forward to with this child is having breastfeeding be incredibly easy, low-stress, and helpful to my weight loss. Of course, I'll still have to eat well to produce enough good nutrients in my milk, but I'm pretty much counting on my body jumping full speed ahead into milk production as soon as he makes his debut, and not stopping until I've got a nice reserve stock built up or we just decide to quit altogether. Having nursed twins for such a long time, I'm fairly certain that I'll overproduce for several weeks, if not months, until my body's conditioned for just one. During that time, I plan to nurse and pump like a maniac so I can get a freezer full of milk, so that my family can have more freedom to go and do, as opposed to being tied to the baby all the time. Not that I didn't love every minute I got to spend with my boys nursing, but I know it put tremendous strain on my marriage because I was afraid to miss a feeding and lower my milk supply. Hopefully this time around, that won't even be a question.

I also look forward to being more active with the baby. The boys nursed every 3-4 hours for months, and in between, they took long naps. They still take a 2-3 hour nap daily, and they sleep through the night like champs! I tandem nursed them all the time (again, because I was afraid to lose supply to do it any other way), which was nearly impossible to do in public, so we spent nearly every moment of the first 6 months in our apartment. 

This was agonizingly lonely and I know that is a huge reason I didn't lose all the baby weight during that time and had to start over with my Slim4Life plan. We rarely took walks (also because it was freezing cold that winter), we almost never went out places, and so I stayed home and honed my baking skills (which, I might add, was a huge positive for our morale). I baked breads, cinnamon rolls, cookies, and cakes, because it was easy to mix the things up and then just shove them in the oven for a time. That's when I discovered my new favorite cookie recipe, which happen to be "lactation" cookies, but they're great for other reasons as well. This didn't help my loneliness or waistline either.

This child, I hope to be able to take him in the carrier (another first for me, since they don't make practical ones for twins), the stroller, and nurse him wherever it's convenient. I know there will be people that look down on that, but after having gone through what I did with my twins, I don't care. It is better for me to be able to be free and active than to worry about some people's uneducated perspective on feeding my child in public. And after having nearly everyone in your family see you tandem nursing twins, you really don't have any self-consciousness about your breasts.

We have zoo passes, and up until this July when it started to get miserably hot, I was taking the boys every week to make the most out of it. They love running around the zoo and riding all the rides. They know exactly where everything is and how to get there. I look forward to taking the baby, possibly even while my hubby is off after his birth. We also enjoy going to the local Renaissance Faire, which is always held around the time the baby is coming, so it'll be nice to be able to pack up and take him there. And, of course, we live in a beautiful treed neighborhood with gentle hills and sidewalks, so I'm really looking forward to getting out and taking walks with the boys, and just playing in our backyard.

Hopefully all this mobility will allow me to keep in a better state of mind after Blessing comes. I never sought professional help for it last time, but looking back, I believe that the loneliness, stress, and other factors caused me to develop post-partum depression. Being stuck in our small two-bedroom apartment with 2 crying little boys day after day with little exposure to the sun and outdoors, and lots of "friends" who were either too busy or too polite to stop in to see us made for a very rough first year. It's gotten better as they've gotten older and more independent, but we're still working deliberately to build new friendships and rekindle the old friendships we had before children. It is still lonely, but at least my kids and I can have a conversation. 

This went a lot deeper than I was planning. I suppose there's just a lot going on in my mind that I need to get out on paper to process, and since I don't have a ton of girlfriends to bounce this stuff off of, this is where it comes out. Thanks for reading this far. 

Here are my latest photos, taken this morning. I don't notice much change since last week, but he does appear to be riding a little lower. 

Week: 38 Weight: 305.5 Total weight gain: 27.5

I hope this post encourages someone, somehow. If nothing else, at least you'll realize you aren't alone in your struggles.

I don't know if I'll make it another week before Blessing comes, but if not, it might be a while before my next post. I'll try to take photos next week anyway, just so I can document the post-baby belly with the baby bump. Wish me luck in having a successful VBAC! I'm terrified of what that entails, but my OB seems confident I'm a great candidate for it. I guess we'll see!

37 weeks and finally looking preggo

It's taken several months, but now that I'm finally nearing the end of this pregnancy, I look pregnant. I'm still huge, and I have trouble reaching my feet to pick up toys after my little people and I loathe dropping things, but I don't feel like a liar when I tell people I'm not just fat, I'm also pregnant.

Here's the most recent photo, taken after a long night of tossing, turning, and my least favorite pregnancy symptom, leg cramps:

Week: 37 Weight: 304.5 Total weight gain: 26.5

At least my hair is growing like crazy. It's also full of body and would probably look good if I took the time to style it, instead of always pulling it back because I sweat just thinking about going upstairs.

I'm now going to the OB weekly, and was glad to see at the last appointment that I'd actually gone down a half pound, instead of reaching my max weight with the twins of 310. Hopefully, I can keep from gaining any more until he comes, because I know it'll just get more uncomfortable over the next few weeks anyway.

As of last Wednesday, I'm not dilated, and his head had not dropped, but the ultrasound showed he is head-down, so it could be any time. I'm still hoping to go to 41 weeks, just with all the craziness of moving this last month, trying to finish unpacking, and still making time for my existing little people. I know I don't have much control over that, but God is good and He does answer prayer.

This past weekend was very productive for us. We got all the random stuff out of the garage and put in its respective areas, even if it's still in boxes. I also enlisted the help of my mother-in-law to come and we cooked up and packed over 3 weeks' worth of yummy freezer/crock pot meals for after the baby comes. Having that out of the way and the garage cleaned out makes me feel much more prepared for our little guy, as well as having washed all of his clothes and accessories last week. I put the mobile up on his crib last night, which made my hubby a little weepy, but he's also under a lot of stress at work right now, so I couldn't blame him.

Hopefully I'll have another week to get things taken care of, hang shelves, curtains, photos, and get the rest of our stuff unpacked before the baby comes. I go back to the OB tomorrow, so I'm not making any plans until that appointment is over. If we get a favorable report, I'm heading with the twins to the pool, so we can have some much-needed bonding time and r&r.

Thanks for reading and I'll keep you posted of any new developments.