Day 7: It's been one week since you looked at me...

Oh, wait, that's not the right line...

Day 7: Plan--2 proteins, 4 veggies, 2 fruits, 2 starches, 2 "snacks" (S4L protein-filled supplements), 1 fat, 4 oz. skim milk

Breakfast: 8:00 am--supplements (1 vitamin, 2 water-shedding pills, 2 metabolizers, 1 neuroslim, as well as my normal glucosamine/chondroitin, vitamin C, and calcium chews) 10 green grapes
Snack: 10:30 am--S4L (cold) hot chocolate, 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Lunch: 12:15 pm--supplements (1 water-shedding pill, 2 metabolizers, 1 carb blocker) 1/2 c brown rice, last of the chicken leftovers, 1/2 c steamed broccoli, 1 tbs. light MW, a little lemon juice
Snack: 3:30 pm--S4L chocolate peanut butter bar, 1/4 c raspberries
Dinner: 6:00 pm--supplements (9 fish oil, 1 water-shedding pill, 1 metabolizer, 1 carb blocker) 1 c mixed greens salad with ff ranch, 1 stalk celery, 1 kavli sheet
Snack: 4 oz milk
Water: 160 oz

I've made it a whole week! It seems like it's been forever too. I've done really good at staying on plan and not making foolish decisions, but for some reason I just don't feel like I've lost enough. When I started on LAW (see Thursday), I remember losing 10 or more pounds. Weighing in today was a little more disappointing, especially since I have stuck to the plan so well. Here are today's pics and stats:

Day: 7 Weight: 270 Size: 18 ish Pounds to Goal: 55

I put each picture up next to its mate from last week, and I really can't tell a difference. That was a little disappointing to me as well, but I know in a few weeks, I'll be able to see results. My jeans did fit a little more comfortably today...

I also caught myself mindlessly reaching for a dessert tonight at my business meeting, then immediately thought about what I was doing and took my hand back. That was eye-opening for me. I realized that is a major contributor to my current physical state. So many times I eat while driving, sitting at the computer (not tonight, thankfully), watching a movie, or working on something and I don't even realize it until I see all the Starburst wrappers on my desk what I've actually done. Or I'll just grab something sitting out every time I walk by. This is especially hazardous at my family gatherings, because food is just there. We don't talk about the food, we don't have specific meal times, we don't keep track of how much or how little we eat, we just feed. I'll really have to limit myself at the holiday gatherings and trips out of town.

I think it really says something about our society that we can just claim possessions by reaching out and eating them. We have food readily available at all times. We have things "individually" wrapped so that we can easily eat without preparing meals. I know for myself, I hate cooking when I'm hungry, because all I do is snack until the meal is actually ready. By that time, I'm mostly full of the junk I ate while waiting, and the good food that I've prepared is wasted (not that I throw it away or anything; just the time and effort is a wash). Carefully planned and prepared meals are so much better for you, though. On my plan, the only things I can eat that are not made from scratch are the starches (crackers, tortillas, bread, etc.). And the fats too, I suppose. Everything else must be prepared, either by cooking, or chopping, or washing. Our society is in such a consumerism mode, an "I want it all and I want it now" (the Queen song just popped in my head--sorry!) mindset, that people (myself included) don't want to take the time to do something the right way, the most beneficial way. We want it in a super-sized in a wrapper so our hands don't get dirty, with no heating, cleaning, or hassle.

My hubby just reminded me it is almost tomorrow (a special date night that he is preparing!), so I need to wrap it up. Still planning to share thoughts from our conversation last night and more info from today soon.

Day 6: Finally getting the hang of it

Day 6: Plan--2 proteins, 4 veggies, 2 fruits, 2 starches, 2 "snacks" (S4L protein-filled supplements), 1 fat, 4 oz. skim milk

Breakfast: 9:45 am--supplements (1 vitamin, 2 water-shedding pills, 2 metabolizers, 1 neuroslim, as well as my normal glucosamine/chondroitin, vitamin C, and calcium chews) 10 green grapes
Snack: 11:00 am--S4L (cold) hot chocolate, 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Lunch: 12:15 pm--supplements (2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer, 1 carb blocker) 1 slice Sara Lee 45 cal bread, ff ranch (in transit from church to party--no time to eat)
Snack: 3:30 pm--S4L chocolate peanut butter bar, 1 hard-boiled egg
Dinner: 8:00 pm--supplements (9 fish oil, 1 water-shedding pill, 1 metabolizer) salted steamed broccoli, 1/4 cup brown rice, turkey breast, 1 tbs. light Miracle Whip, 1 c mixed greens with ff ranch, 4 oz milk
Water: 120 oz

As I told my husband this evening, I feel like I'm on autopilot now. I know what I can eat, I'm getting a good idea about portions (4 oz milk is 4 gulps straight out of the jug...), and I know when to eat and take my supplements. We had a very long conversation about some things that have been on my mind this week, and I am pretty spent from that. We both have some things to work on and change over the next few months, but we needed an action plan, and much of tonight's conversation was formulating what that would look like and how we could be more united in this whole endeavor. I'm too tired to post on it this evening, but hopefully I'll get to it some time this week. Week 1 pics tomorrow, along with a weight lost update. Thanks for tuning in.

Day 5: Tempted for the First Time

Day 5: Plan--2 proteins, 4 veggies, 2 fruits, 2 starches, 2 "snacks" (S4L protein-filled supplements), 1 fat, 4 oz. skim milk

Breakfast: 8 am--supplements (1 vitamin, 2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer, 1 neuroslim, as well as my normal glucosamine/chondroitin, vitamin C, and calcium chews) 1 fried egg
Snack: 10:30 am--S4L (cold) hot chocolate, 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Lunch: 1:15 pm--supplements (2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer, 1 carb blocker) 1/4 cup brown rice, 1 c romaine, 1 celery stalk, fat free ranch, green grapes, 2 crackers with cream cheese dip (not on plan)
Snack: 3:30 pm--S4L chocolate peanut butter bar
Dinner: 11:00 pm--supplements (9 fish oil, 2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer) salted steamed broccoli, 1/4 cup brown rice, boiled seasoned chicken leftovers, 1 tbs. light Miracle Whip, 1 c mixed greens with ff ranch
Snack: 2:15 am--4 oz milk
Water: 100 oz?


I think I have figured out how to get the jittery out and timing my vitamins. I still did the pills at breakfast, but I waited until after my snack for my energy drink. I don't think it had an adverse effect on my sleeping, since I came home from my lia sophia party this afternoon and took a 4 hour nap (which is why I'm awake now). I seriously considered staying in bed when I woke at 8, skipping dinner, and just eating a little more for energy at breakfast tomorrow. I wish I had gotten up and eaten, instead of waiting 3 hours to do so. As it is, I still missed my 2nd fruit, which they asked to not be eaten 4 hours before you go to bed.


Today was the first time I've eaten anything off plan since I started Tuesday. I felt a little guilty at first, then realized that 2 crackers are not going to ruin me. However, wanting to finish off the whole sleeve instead of eating my dinner portions might have had a more adverse effect. I am actually quite proud of myself. I had the crackers and the dip in hand, getting ready to come type this up, and I thought to myself, "This is why you started this in the first place. This is not worth reversing all your hard work all day," and put them up. Lindsey: 1, food: 0.


This is why I really have to watch what comes in the house (or the car, or the office, or my classroom, or at parties...). I will find just about anything to snack on, whether it's a jar of peanut butter, tortillas and ranch, bread and ranch, cereal bars--you name it, and it's fair game. If we only have fresh fruits and veggies, and limit the starches to ones on the plan, I will have a much easier time of not being tempted to eat just anything. Unfortunately, we have some items in the pantry that we had already purchased that I will either have to watch him eat, or will have to keep until I'm in Stabilization. For my peace of mind, I would rather they just went away and saved me the temptation.


Tomorrow is going to be here before I know it (actually, it came about 2 hours and 38 minutes ago). I know there was more that I wanted to post about today, but I just can't think of it right now. We will get to meal plan for the rest of the week tomorrow, so I may post a preliminary menu tomorrow night. Until then, ciao!

Day 4: 1 down, 139 left to go

At least, until I should be at my goal weight. Technically, 4 down, 726 to go, but who's counting?

Day 4: Plan--2 proteins, 4 veggies, 2 fruits, 2 starches, 2 "snacks" (S4L protein-filled supplements), 1 fat, 4 oz. skim milk

Breakfast: supplements (1 vitamin, 2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer, 1 neuroslim, as well as my normal glucosamine/chondroitin, vitamin C, and calcium chews) apple and 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Snack: S4L (cold) hot chocolate
Lunch: supplements (2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer) salted raw broccoli with fat free ranch, boiled seasoned chicken leftovers
Snack: S4L chocolate peanut butter bar, half an orange
Dinner: supplements (9 fish oil, 2 water-shedding pills, 1 metabolizer) salted steamed broccoli, 3/4 cup brown rice, boiled seasoned chicken leftovers, leftover turkey, milk, 1 tbs. light Miracle Whip (I don't do mayo)
Water: 140 oz

Today was not as bad as I thought it would be. Tonight's post is very typical of today. It is 11:40 on Friday night, and I almost forgot to post. I forgot where my keys were earlier today, and called my husband, almost in tears of frustration, to come home and pick me up so that I could go to my party tonight. I was in the middle of writing emails at work today and paused in mid-sentence, forgetting what I was going to write. Almost forgot to eat ANY starch today (hence, the large portion at "dinner"--if it's the last thing you eat at night, isn't it dinner? Even if it's 9:00?). Typing a password I use several times daily, I got home from work and spent several minutes typing in the password minus 1 character. Repeatedly. Forgot to eat a fat at dinner, so I ended up having a full tablespoon of light MW at 10:00. Trying to stomach eating it straight, I finally decided to dip some broccoli in it. Not too bad.

I don't like pills. I have a sinus infection right now that would be pretty much cured if I would just go to the doctor and get a prescription for amoxicillin and take some Mucinex. I don't like pills, though. So I would rather not go, wait until I can't stand it anymore, and get it all over with. I'm afraid if I go now, before it's the worst it can get, I'll just have to go back later this fall and get another prescription. I have arthritis in my ankle. Sometimes it hurts immensely.I refuse to take pain pills every day, because I know when I'm 60, I'll be taking something 10 times as strong and it won't do the job. So I take the ibuprofen when I absolutely can't stand it. So you can imagine how I felt loading up on all the supplements this morning. Dividing them up (out of my fancy ziploc sandwich baggie) made me feel, first of all, like an apothecary, and secondly, like an old person. I've never seen someone my age take so many pills. Twenty-eight in all. And trying to figure out which one is which, which goes with which meal, which to take with which drink, I had to have my booklet in front of me and I'm still not positive I got it right. And I'm not even at full dosage yet! They are working me up slowly from none to 6. I feel like I'm going to have to get one of those humongous pill sorters, with the day, morning, noon, and night just so I can stay on track.

I hate to be such a downer. That's not like me. This is just much harder than I imagined. After taking all my morning pills (I downed them with the fiber/energy drink, as it has a limey flavor that I'm growing to like), I was freezing (turned on the heat in the office and that gradually got better), but my hands were still shaky. In fact, I felt jittery all over. I found myself shaking my leg without even realizing it (a habit in others I sometimes find annoying), twisting in my chair, popping my knuckles, tossing my hair (it's been a good hair day--trust me!), chewing on my fingers (not normal anymore), and having a VERY short attention span. I couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Hence the first paragraph. Any time someone would call, come in, or email, I had the hardest time focusing on what they were communicating. I'm sure I came across as ditzy to more than one person because I just couldn't concentrate. I transposed numbers while on the phone. Not just once. Not just twice. Three times today. I got a slight headache around lunchtime, which made me realize I hadn't had my Morton lite salt today. I need to get a shaker to leave in my purse. Another thing to carry around.

I told these things to the manager at the center this afternoon and she immediately knew I'd taken all my pills with my energy drink. Did anyone tell me not to do that? Not anywhere I recall.

Pills are nasty. I want to take them with something that will hide the flavor. Pills must be taken with food. Boost needs to be taken about 3 hours either side of that. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out when to drink it then, because I know the drink will keep me up (now it's after midnight and I'm not at all sleepy), but I can't take it too close to the pills, which must be taken with breakfast, which needs to be early so that I can have a mid-morning snack, after which I shortly eat lunch (and take more pills) and after that point I feel it's too close to bedtime to drink it. I can not figure out when I need to do these things.

All in all, it's been a very confusing, slightly frustrating, interesting day. Everyone has told me the first 2 weeks are the hardest. I've got 1 day down. God, help me get through the rest.

Day 3: Let the games begin

Well, not really "games," but you know the saying...

Day 3: Prep (last day! Yay!)--2-3 lb. meat [no pork, dairy, starch, fruit (except what's listed), condiments], unlimited uncooked green leafy veggies, fat free dressing only

Breakfast: 2 eggs and warm lemon water
Snack: half an orange and 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Lunch: romaine and mixed greens salad with celery and taco seasoned ground beef with fat free ranch
Snack: half an orange
Dinner: romaine and mixed greens salad with celery and taco seasoned ground beef with fat free ranch, boiled seasoned chicken leftovers
Water: 120 oz

What. A. Day. I ended up eating the last of my meat at 9:00, which I know is not the best for anyone, let alone someone who's trying to lose weight, but after a 2 hour class at S4L and a rambunctious past customer on the phone, I had to take what I could get. I wasn't hungry anyway. That's part of the reason it took so long to eat (that, and meat takes forever to chew!).

As I said on Tuesday, Satan will do anything to derail you from your goals. Today was another of those, "is this really worth it?" days. I started the morning off with forgetting to feed the cat (poor kitty was on "E"--luckily, my amazing hubby covered me), then dashing from one job to the next this morning I was literally run off the road by a white car driving the WRONG DIRECTION in my lane! Luckily, that passed without injury and I probably got enough cardio in the ten minutes following to count as 30 minutes of walking. When I finally got to go to my nutrition class and learn what I'm going to be expected to eat for the next 6 months, I was disappointed to learn that this program is much more strict than when I tried LA Weightloss, which is kind of the plan I was expecting. More on that later. Mix these things in with the financial aspect of supplements and pills for the next 6 months, and I was thinking, "what have I gotten myself in to?" The devil tried to sweep right in there and completely knock me out before I got started. I must watch out for these kinds of things in the future.

The class was interesting. As I mentioned before, I have done the LA Weightloss (LAW) program, and had pretty decent success. I was pleased with the weight I lost, the food was easy to figure out, I had a great list of what I could eat out (included fast food, which, with my schedule, was VERY helpful), I was still able to eat even a little of the foods I love (like cheese, cereal, pasta, jello, fruit popsicles, ice cream, milk, bananas, peanut butter, even lean frozen meals), and the people were fine to talk to. The reason I never finished the program was because once I messed up and had a few bad days, they turned in to weeks, and months, and here I am 100 pounds more than when I started. I felt ashamed to go in and tell them how horribly I'd fallen off. So I didn't go. There was $700 down the drain.

Back to today: I was expecting things to go pretty much the same as they had with LAW. For the most part, the whole program so far is very similar, even down to the foods I was asked to eat on the prep diet. I knew there were bars involved that would be almost identical to the ones LAW forced you to buy, and the snacks, and the cookbook all looked very familiar to me. So I expected the same thing from the weight loss meal plan. Boy, was I wrong.

First of all, all the foods listed above are OFF limits. With LAW, I was at least allowed a slice and a half of cheese to put on a sandwich so it wasn't just meat and bread (which makes me cringe). I could have things like Wheat Thins and whole wheat pasta. Nothing like that here. All the starches she listed (and don't get me wrong, she was a perfectly nice lady and seemed to really care and know her stuff) were things I've hardly heard of, like weird akmak crackers and kavli bread. Do they even sell those at Hy-Vee? I'm pretty certain our grocery bill will go up based on all the weird things we're going to have to start buying. I was so depressed and frustrated looking at the very short list of "green" foods that I started thinking about the waste of $650 that we'd already invested in the program. Nothing from a can except tuna, which will make a happy kitty, but mommy is not so keen.

Secondly, I noticed that each of the main meals in the "sample menu" was something that needed to be heated or took a significant amount of time, something that is not always a luxury I can afford. Many times, I am eating a meal in the car going from 1 of my 4 jobs to another, or two, or 3 (there were days this fall when I worked at camp, taught music, refereed, and had a party that night), and I wouldn't even have time to heat things up, let alone use a fork. So I would stop for a cheeseburger or chicken sandwich. That's part of the reason I gained so much weight the last few months as well, I know, but you can't always stop and eat a proper meal and be able to make ends meet. And now I can't even eat a sandwich with cheese?

Then, there was the discussion about whether we wanted to splurge and get the whole package of "guaranteed" products (which guarantee 3-5 pounds a week of weight loss--there were about 8 other things available on top of that), try them out and buy a few at a time and always be on the lookout for sales, or just do without. I have been in the mindset of Go Big (or little!) or Go Home, and I thought my husband knew how I felt, but when the nice lady looked at us after explaining all the benefits of each items, he gave her the indication that we were going to wait for a while and see how things go.

Not that this is necessarily a bad way to look at things, but I was disappointed that we hadn't had a chance to solidify our decision before we got there. I, embarrassed and a little frustrated, looked at him and started discussing what we had talked about earlier this week, and the fact that we had the money to do the package now. So the nice lady excused herself while we got to have the conversation again, only this time I unleashed my frustration in the program not being exactly like I thought, and that, since I was the one coming in regularly, I would have to be the one watching for sales on the products, and keeping track of what we had or needed, which would cause a lot more work and a lot more stress on my already busy, muddled day. After explaining all this, he graciously agreed that we could afford it [although we would have to put a large credit card payment (another of our huge goals) on hold for a little while], and we ended up doing the guaranteed products, with the understanding that some of the additional products may need to be on hand occasionally. I know $1600 is a lot of money, especially when we've already spent almost $700, but we did get a 30% discount on the products and they will last me until I am out of the weigh loss stage. No stress, except trying to decide daily what kind of chocolatey snack I want to eat that day :-)

All that to say, I am physically equipped to do this. I am mentally still working on it. Emotionally, I am not looking forward to being deprived of my favorite food for 6 months. After several tears today, I've realized it'll be okay. It's going to be hard, especially when we go to family gatherings and my grandma's awesome (and fattening) cheese dip is there on the table, mocking me. There will be times where I will fall off. I have to tell myself that I can go back. It's those moments when I need to go back and face the questions and show them my food journal (I wonder if they'll take my blogs?) and get their advice. Having the support of a wonderful, loving husband makes a huge difference. That was the reason I started LAW, because of a guy, which made it easy, when we stopped seeing each other, to stop caring. This time it's for me. Because I'm worth it. Because it's time to stop hiding behind my weight and being afraid of what others think. There is a saying I've found on Pinterest that makes me smile: nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Not that I want to be "skinny." I want to be healthy, to be able to feel good about the way I look and take pride in my appearance. I want to have healthy children that are confident and haven't had to deal with people calling them fat or being told they aren't good enough the way they are. I want them to enjoy life and being with people, and not have to worry that they are being judged by their appearance.

There is another saying I'm fond of: I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13) There is absolutely no way I can do this without Him. And He loves me no matter what I look like, because He made me.

Day 2: Salt does not lose its saltiness

Day 2: Prep--2-3 lb. meat [no pork, dairy, starch, fruit (except what's listed), condiments], unlimited uncooked green leafy veggies, fat free dressing only

Breakfast: 2 eggs and warm lemon water
Snack: half an orange and 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Lunch: romaine and mixed greens salad with celery and taco seasoned ground beef with fat free ranch
Snack: half an orange
Dinner: boiled chicken with mixed greens salad and fat free ranch
Snack: taco meat with fat free ranch
Snack: marinated turkey leftovers
Water: 180 oz

I drank a TON of water today, partly because of the sinus infection (it's getting steadily worse--my voice keeps giving out) and partly because of the 1/4 tsp of Morton's lite salt on my salad at lunch. I literally gagged trying to eat it. What is the difference between lite salt and regular salt, and why does every single weight loss program push it?

On another note, I had my first visit to S4L today. It was surprisingly short and not so much of the in-depth counseling I was hoping for. Maybe it's because I don't really have any choices about my meals right now. I hope it gets better. A huge part of the appeal of S4L is the "one-on-one counseling" and encouragement.

I waited far too long to write tonight. I'm beat. Hopefully a more insightful post will come tomorrow.

Day 1: Spiritual Warfare is Real

Day 1: Prep--2-3 lb. meat [no pork, dairy, starch, fruit (except what's listed), condiments], unlimited uncooked green leafy veggies, fat free dressing only

Breakfast: 2 eggs and warm lemon water
Snack: half an orange and 20 oz Slim4Life fiber and energy packets in water
Lunch: romaine salad with celery and cooked marinated turkey leftovers and S4L honey dijon
Snack: half an orange
Dinner: same as lunch
Snack: taco meat with fat free ranch (yum...)
Snack: marinated turkey leftovers
Water: 120 oz

Suffice it to say that day 1 is going well as far as the food and healthy eating, but emotionally I feel like I've been beaten like a pinata. If it could go wrong, it has, in preparation for this week.

Not to pull a complaint session (I hate complainers!), but I just want to highlight that if you are doing something that is going to change your life for the better, Satan (and I believe that Satan is a real entity) will pull everything he can to put a stop to it.

For instance:

• My lia sophia business is booming, and I've got so many bookings on my calendar right now. God has truly blessed me. This weekend, I had 3 different parties cancel or postpone that seemed like right-on hostesses, that were all going to be this week. I have been a little pre-occupied with my schedule and trying to fit everything in, and let these bumps take my mind off of my business. 

• My computer rendered itself unusable last week. Luckily, the day before I had the forethought (what I like to think of as God's whispering) to back up all my files on an external hard drive before I lost them all completely.

•  My car that I've driven for the last 7 years and was always referred to as the one that "didn't look pretty, but will run to 300k miles" was taken in and found to be fatally ill, leaving my hubby and me with 1 car and 5 jobs (I do a lot of part-time work plus his 1) to run to.

• After line judging at district volleyball last evening, my ankle flared up for the first time in weeks, causing me to limp painfully all day today (and all night tonight at my last matches of the season). 

• To top everything off, I am in the middle of a miserable sinus infection which has not reached the point where I am hacking, but just obnoxious enough that I cough when I try to talk, my voice is so strained I can barely be heard, and struggle to breathe clearly through my nose. I'm not bad enough to go to the doctor yet, but it's inevitable. 

I definitely felt the weight of being under attack this morning, although I couldn't pinpoint exactly how or why I felt this. I was frustrated with my husband because I couldn't communicate to him exactly what I was feeling, yet it wasn't his fault. We had a chance to talk about it later today, though, and I told him pretty much what I thought was going on.

I proceeded to spend the rest of the day in a funk, instead of giving these things over to God, letting Satan get the best of me. My attitude is that I can do this on my own, by myself, without anyone's help. I can see how this entire process is going to be bigger than losing a few inches of tub around my middle.

The point of all this is to say that God blesses those who love Him, and He works for their good. For me, losing this extra baggage and living a healthier lifestyle is going to potentially change my life. I will have more energy, presumably live longer, have more self-confidence, and will hopefully find myself more equipped to physically start a family, whether we are mentally and emotionally ready for that. Satan is doing everything in his power to pull the plug right at the start, to make everything that I've set my mind and will to do for naught and cause me to give up before I experience success. It's not my will that he is wearing down, it's my morale. I can physically do the steps needed to succeed at this program and new lifestyle, but if my heart is not in it, what's the point?

That is where I am this evening. I know that God is bigger than any problem I will face, and Satan is under God's control. Now it is time to put all this behind me and start living it out. But for now, I will sleep. Tomorrow will be a better day.

T-minus 1 day

After reaching my highest weight ever, I have decided to take a step down (in weight, that is). I signed up for Slim4Life over the weekend and tomorrow I start on the "prep" diet. I figured it would be beneficial for me to document my feelings, weight loss, exercise (when I have time), emotions, and pics for a weight loss journal, but my hope is, if you are reading this, that perhaps you may be inspired too.

Not only am I at my all-time highest weight, I am finally having physical symptoms that are telling me I'm not as "healthy" as I used to be. The biggest indicator is that walking up the stairs to our 3rd floor apartment, up a small hill at work while on a tour, or even just carrying in a bag or two for my business, I am constantly gasping for breath and not able to talk when I arrive. It is to the point where it is embarrassing to let customers and hostesses, and my wonderful and supportive hubby see. I've always been overweight, but never had cholesterol, blood pressure, or breathing problems. My blood pressure and heart rate have ALWAYS been on the low side (thanks to many visits to the plasma donation center, I have a rough average for all of these), but recently, my blood pressure was almost twice its normal numbers. I've also been having issues with my hands and feet swelling, so badly that I even had to take off my wedding and engagement rings tonight, that I rarely take off.

I'm afraid that I might even be in a pre-diabetic state, which is something that scares me to death. I lose feeling in my feet and hands at times (which could also be caused by my arthritis), lots of bite marks (thanks to my awesome kitty) that seem to take forever to heal, sometimes constant need to urinate, and constantly being thirsty. I refuse to let my weight be so out of control that I must give myself insulin shots or check my blood sugar, so this is where I draw the line. Tomorrow starts a new me.

These are my first photos for Week 0. I will continue to post regularly about my weight, my diet (more like a food journal, not a "diet"), my emotions, and my triumphs and failures. I hope you will enjoy my journey, and be inspired, whether it is a physical goal, mental, financial, or anything else.

Day: -1 Weight: 279 Size: 20 Pounds to Goal: 64