Making Mini-Me's

It's been nearly 2 years since I've posted here, and not just because I have failed to reach my goals (nearly all of them), but also because raising 2 little humans is work, and taking the time to do something for yourself takes even more work, like getting my head clear by putting my thoughts down on "paper." I guess I'm just in the mood to write, and if anyone wants to read this, more power to them.

These goals I mentioned...getting to my goal weight, running a 5K, fitting in my summer shorts and feeling good about the way I look...unfortunately, that next month was full of family dinners and other reasons to get off plan, and I spent much of it finding excuses to not care about my body. Fortunately, I was able to nurse the boys not only until their 1st birthday, but to 4 days after their 2nd birthday! I should have quit at about 18 months for both my sanity and their freedom, but I was very stubborn and would not let it go until I reached that mark. Of course, I scaled back gradually toward the end, which caused my lack of self-care to escalate my weight even more, but I did make it. And then the weight packed on.

Going into the holiday season, sitting on my haunches for most of the day while my toddlers ran around me, eating fast food in the car more times than I care to admit, and nearly eliminating healthy produce from my diet and instead opting for carb-loaded easy fixes helped me gain back every ounce of weight I was so proud to lose in my last posts. Over the course of that year and a half from my last posts until last Christmas, I gradually put on all the weight, lost tons of muscle, and basically lost all hope of ever losing it again.

And then, right after New Year's, we found out we were pregnant again! My body was not in a condition I would consider prime for making babies, we weren't trying; in fact, it happened over the course of a week and a half last November when I was on antibiotics for emergency oral surgery. Happy birthday to me :-) So now, I am in my 8th month of pregnancy in the miserable Missouri heat and humidity, 30 pounds heavier than I ever hoped to be if I got pregnant again, and looking at another 310 or so top weight. This is what I weighed with the twins the morning I delivered, and I'm not quite there yet (I'm at just over 300), but I still have 7 weeks with this little guy to maintain.

Week: 32 Weight: 299.5 Total weight gain since week 7: 21.5 lbs

I wish I weren't so big. I still don't even look pregnant in some of my outfits and I'm sure there are plenty of people who scoff when I park in the "Expecting and New Mothers" parking space at the grocery store, but I really am having a baby in less than 2 months.

The good news is, once I have this kiddo, I can really get serious about losing weight. I tried Weight Watchers for a very short time when I found out I was pregnant, per the OB's nurse's recommendation. It didn't work. I didn't gain any weight, but I had to eat obscene amounts of junk to get all the points in. I don't understand how that program helps anyone, if all the good stuff is zero points, and you have to eat so much of the carbs and things to use up your points that you don't have any room left to eat the fruits and veggies. I realize that my experience may have been a little skewed, since they don't technically have a "pregnant" diet and I was advised by the nurse to just do the breastfeeding plan. I don't think I'll ever try that particular program again.

The problem with these "plans" is that once you start them, everything goes great. If you stop at any point before you reach the maintenance phase, though, you're doomed to repeat the mistakes of your past. So in order to be successful, you have to have total commitment, which I've been lacking every time.

That is why once this baby comes, I plan to eat well to maintain my milk supply, nurse him as long as possible (up to 2 years, but at least 1 year), and get out and exercise more. I'm not spending another dime on a program that doesn't work for me, that can't help me stay motivated to the end, and is so regimented that I give up the first time I fail. I will lose the weight this time, but I'm giving myself plenty of time to do it. I already know what to eat to lose weight, it is a matter of putting it consistently into practice and making it a lifestyle, not just a thing to do for a time to reach a goal.

I have a goal of being in the 100's by the time my child turns 2, which is doable at about 50 pounds a year while breastfeeding, chasing 2 toddlers, and finally getting to be comfortable outside after he comes this fall. We are moving to a house in 2 weeks, so I can be out in the yard gardening and playing with my boys. I will have room to do Zumba, a workout I really love that is something I know helps me tone my muscles. I will have a beautiful hilly, treed neighborhood to stroll through with my boys in tow. And I can make being active a part of my life, instead of the sedentary one I lead right now.

I am trying to be realistic, yet still have something to work toward. Over a hundred pounds lost in 2 years is nothing to scoff at, and it will be hard at times. But I hope that by pacing myself I will be able to do this. I hope you will join me in changing something about yourself you have struggled with for years.

P.S. Here's a little bonus pic of the boys now, at nearly 2 3/4 years old. I want them to know me as the fun, active mommy who is able to play with them and run with them, not the crabby one who barks orders from her easy chair because she is too lazy or unable to get out of it.

36 Weeks!!

WARNING: This post has been in draft mode for over 2 years, hence there is no content to it, just great pics of 2 adorable little 8 month old cuties...My original intention was to post a pic of me at 36 weeks prego as well, but those photos are packed in a box on my external hard drive right now.

It's been 36 weeks since these precious babes came into our lives!

 

 

Monday Again: New Territory!

Monday afternoon naps did not go as planned yesterday, so I didn't get a chance to post my normal update. I have hit a new low, and I couldn't feel higher!

For the first time in years, I weigh less than 240!!! I honestly can't remember even being on the 230's on my way up in weight; I remember being about 225, and then I was nearly 250 before I knew it. At the time, I was in a financial mess and was about to lose my house, so the stress eating attributed to the rapid weight gain, and I avoided the scale like the plague, on top of all the other things going wrong. It feels great to be here and also to know that I won't be here for long!

We are celebrating some at different restaurants this month (including Cinzetti's!), so I might take 3-4 weeks to lose this 10 pounds, but I am really looking forward to being in the 220's again. I should hopefully be down another pants size by then too! I'm working on firming up my tummy with ab exercises and core strengthening, but I haven't been as consistent as I would like.

The weather is gorgeous out this week (very unseasonable for July in Missouri!), so we will be out enjoying it as much as possible. That might inspire me to do some extra exercising while it is so nice. Have a great week!

Week: 11 Weight: 240 Size: 16 Pounds to Goal: 55 Pounds Lost: 38!!

Stress Eating

This week I have discovered the main secret to my weight gain: stress eating!! We are still waiting on word from my husband's interview a couple of weeks ago, and I found that waiting and not knowing whether to start packing or to get things cleaned for summer is super-stressful!

There were a couple of days that I ate whatever I could get my hands on, even though I had eaten all the items on my plan for the day. I just think of something, like a handful of chocolate chips, or a spoonful of peanut butter, and I can't get my mind off it when I'm under that much stress. This is why we do not have sweets in the house right now, and when I do, I don't open them until I'm ready for them to be gone.

I bought some chocolate melts to make a special dessert for my dad's birthday last week, and as soon as I opened them, they were gone. I still had a week until I needed to make the dessert! So I had to go back to the store and replace the entire bag that I had eaten.

I am a little afraid that when I reach my goal weight, whether that is sooner, based on my average loss, or later, as I had originally planned, that I will not be able to control these urges. I wish that the counseling at Slim4Life addressed this psychological aspect of my current weight problem, instead of just telling me to "eat this, not that." Maybe they do address it, and I just haven't asked the right questions. I'll need to keep this in mind the next time I go in.

Knowing that, I am not too upset about my low weight loss this past week. I plan to do better this week, and we'll hopefully find out (today!) whether we'll be moving or not. I still feel great and love wearing dresses and skirts that I haven't been able to wear for a couple of years!

Week: 9 Weight: 242 Size: 16 Pounds to Goal: 57 Pounds Lost: 36!

Week 8, Day 52

I can't believe I haven't even been back on Slim4Life's plan, and I've already lost so much weight! Not to brag or anything (it was definitely not this easy last time around), but I'm right on track for their weight loss goals (an average of 4+ pounds per week), let alone my personal conservative goal of 2 pounds per week.

I know that I can do a better job of staying on plan, unlike last week, where I was off-plan 4 out of 7 days, but I also know in the back of my mind that I can cheat because I'm still nursing and burning a ton of calories each day because of it. I'm sure as soon as I stop, I'll be slowing down, which is another reason I want to nurse as long as possible!

I think it would be great to make it to my goal weight (another 60 pounds) before I stop nursing, and then go back to my original S4L plan, which has tighter restrictions. If I keep on the same average loss I've had so far, I should do that in 15 weeks, which would be the beginning of October. My goal is to nurse them until at least 1 year, which would be the end of October, so there's a little wiggle room.

For today, I'll celebrate another small loss and work on setting myself up for a good week!

Week: 8 Weight: 245 Size: 16 Pounds to Goal: 60 Pounds Lost: 33!

"Monday" Update: Week 7, Day 45

I know today's not Monday, but we have been so busy this week I haven't had a chance to even check my email, let alone write!

Monday, our family packed up and drove 2 hours away for a wonderful opportunity for my hubby to interview for a great promotion! If he gets it, we'll have anywhere from a 25-75% raise!! We don't mind moving, either, because we have family in that town and there's a lot of fun stuff to do, especially outdoors.

I did get to weigh in before we left and took photos that morning before we left, and I am thrilled to announce my great news: I've lost over 30 pounds and am at my lowest weight since I started Slim4Life!!!! I have finally broken into the 240's again, and as of Monday morning, I am lower than before I got pregnant! Yippee!!

I still have a lot of work to do to firm up my stomach muscles, which I'm researching and actively thinking about, and I want to work on toning my arms and legs up, but I feel great about the progress I've made so far and am optimistic about keeping going!

One of my favorite things about our trip Monday was getting to walk around the mall with my boys, which we've never done together, and going in a store I have shopped at before, when I was about 230. I haven't been shopping since the boys were born, and even before then, I was huge, so the maternity store was the only place I could fit anything. It's been several years since I stopped in that store, and I was pleased when I walked out to think that I could be wearing their clothes (theoretically; they're very pricey!) in a few months!!

I should be able to shop at "normal" clothing stores as I get closer to my goal weight. I've been almost exclusively shopping (and even worked at) a plus-size women's retailer since we got married, and even though I don't care for much of the skimpy stylings of the other stores, it's nice to know I'll have options.

We are working on paying off debt (which is why this promotion would be HUGE for us), but I do have some plans to use some of my "blow" money on a conservative wardrobe when I reach my goal. I'll most likely be spending the majority of it at consignment shops, but I'm really looking forward to getting fitted for and buying quality (new) undergarments, especially ones that aren't for nursing, when this is all over.

We will be playing the waiting game for at least another week, but by next Friday, we should know if we'll be signing another lease here or looking two hours away. Wish us luck!

Week: 7 Weight: 247 Size: 18 Pounds to Goal: 62 Pounds Lost: 31!!!

One-third of the way to my goal weight in only 7 weeks!!

Week 6, Day 38

It's time again for a another Monday update! While I didn't do as well this past week as I'd hoped, I'm still on track for my November goal, and I still lost weight.

I had a realization this past week: my body has been at or well above 250 for over 3 years now, which means that my metabolism is probably set at thinking 250 is pretty good. If When I make it to my goal, that will be a completely new level for my body to work at that it hasn't had to deal with for almost 15 years! I should be that much more excited to break through this barrier and keep whittling away at my weight.

I've got a tiny goal of making it to the 240's before summer's official start, June 21st. As of this morning, that's only about 5 more pounds, which should be completely doable. I've got Fathers' Day this weekend, which will probably be a meal off-plan, but the rest of the 2 weeks should be fine. I can also almost fit into all of my summer bottoms that I've set out. I can wear them all, I just don't feel great about how I look in all of them. My body just isn't shaped the way it used to be...

I'll keep you posted!

Week: 6 Weight: 254 Size: 18 Pounds to Goal: 69 Pounds Lost: 24!